The Sun newspaper has confirmed today that under recently increasing pressure from protest groups to ban boobs on page three, it has decided to keep them but offset them with a picture of a mans bollocks to make it fair.
“It’s not fair that men have to buy the sun when they want to see a pair of boobs when women can simply look at their own in the mirror. However men can look at their own knackers whenever it takes their fancy, so if we show a pair of them on page 3 as well it sets a level playing field. And adds a bit of class.”
One non sexist man we spoke to told us that he had felt unable to buy the sun due to it’s previously un-offset pictures of breasts but would be first in the queue to buy a copy tomorrow. “Boobs and bollocks on the same page make for a zero sexist footprint. It’s great. Up until now if I wanted to look at boobs I had to look at them ironically on the Guardian’s ironic page three.”
Tomorrow’s bollock model is pretty final year student Michael who is just about to take his exams. “I’m just about to take my testies. I hope I don’t balls them up” he told us.
Dungaree wearing sociologist Anne Oakley was one of the first to congratulate the Sun. “I have long been known for my overt contempt of gender stereotypes. We have just wanted equality. And now we have it. Hooray for the Sun and their pictures of a pair of hairy sacks.”
The Daily Mirror has confirmed that they will also be showing men’s bollocks. But in pants.
